ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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