my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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