Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
