It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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