I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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