and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize