"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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