Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she told me i tasted like america
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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