There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
