just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
