dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
