i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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