Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My ass is underappreciated
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
