ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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