Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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