You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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