She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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