Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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