So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
