im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
