I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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