Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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