I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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