I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
