At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize