ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
