For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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