I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
