hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
