He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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