he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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