Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize