This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
