Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize