she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Liz is crying about burritos again.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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