If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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