Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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