On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
