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I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
