matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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