I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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