If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
