this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
