she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
