hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
