the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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