So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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