Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
