I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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