Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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