The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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