Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
