I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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