I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
