her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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