garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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