he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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