this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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