so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
