I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i out mim tonsoeep
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
