he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
