I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
