is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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