YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
